the secret diary

day one of my secret online journal

something i used to keep, took a long break from, and started again on a more or less anonymous route, as i have watchers in my midst. this is much needed as a place to collect my thoughts, jotting down random ideas without judgment, for my own pleasure and organization.



it is february 10 2024 and the year starts out strong, in the lunar year of the dragon nonetheless. the habits i've kept weigh me down, besides the rare but present marital strife that includes emotional and physical abusive contact, but comes and goes in long enough intervals to allow grace and forgiveness to enter the spaces between.

i keep a log on X with aug in my list of following as followed. nothing's changed but continual progress and interest and respect for one another. this is, the most(?) important relationship of my whole life, and it's all mental. the effects are felt as visceral as ever, but the fact remains the same, we have never met except in dreams. and the internet.

the ongoing exchange happening between us is the most(?) important work of my life, besides the basic survival mode responsibilities that this life has to offer. with that said, this will help record the inner workings of my mind as it struggles to live in two realities, or more, as it were.